Tuesday, November 08, 2005
hi again..wee ping i read ur blog..i oso duno abt the depression thingy..it seems tt it has struck me too..it has also hit some of my frenz..i duno y lidat..mayb its juz tt we dragon babies are juz too unlucky or something at the end of this year..i hate this darn feeling..i dun understand y must it happen to me..anyway..imah..thx for ur concern..thx for askin me how i feel..now i feel slightly better than yesterday..but i still feel under the weather..VERY under the weather..to add on with tt..i feel everything has no meaning..i still feel empty and still feel scared..but now..the intensity of this emptiness and fear is worse than b4..i feel so scared..so scared tt i will destroy everything again..i juz wana giv up..but..something tells me to juz keep on trying..intuition or something..duno..it tells me to keep on tryin..cuz if i dun try i wun noe if it will really work..i will keep trying..but..the fear in me is growing..scared tt something else unexpected will juz come by to shatter everything again..and now..cuz the "glass ball" which i hav been tryin to piece back has shattered many times..the bits had turned into shards..and it has become very fragile..and puttin it back 2gether hurts me more and more cuz i am so afriad tt the "ball" will shatter again..i will definitely do my 150% effort this time..not 100% anymore..i will make sure things will go well..my life will improve..it has to!haiz..i dun get life now..it juz hits u and u fall..den when u r gettin up again..juz b4 u start walkin on..it hits u and u fall again..it sucks..i hate life now..wats the pt of livin when nothin makes sense and has no meaning..i hav lost everything..i wan back wats rightfully mine..something tt was taken away from me abruptly..take away from me without any valid reason..this really sucks..but i will keep tryin..i will keep waitin for time to pass so tt i succeed or fail..but..again..i am filled with fear and the sense of emptiness..i am juz so scared..so so scared..i keep contradicting myself..but tts how i feel now too...so confused..i juz cant let go of this "glass ball" which i treasured so much..i juz wana fix it back so badly..wat am i to do? i wana piece the shards back but i am filled with fear...y must this happen to me? its so unfair...it seems tt the only consolation for this wk is tt i dun hav to go sch tml..but i dun wana stay home cuz my mind juz wanders..thx timo for "volunteerin" to meet me for lunch tml..i really thank you for being there when i really need a fren..when i really need a listenin ear to my woes..thank you so much..i hav nv met such a good fren in my life..u encouraged me and supported me in wat i wana do..thanks so much..i tink without u now..i would hav done something stupid cuz u lent me ur ear so i can lighten my load and bottled feelings..thanks so much again..i will continue to try..thanks for ur support..~why? Why? WHY? SOMEONE TELL ME WHY!?!?~
